The Spaces Between
by Operator404
Summary: It's been a year since Heejung was released from Hospital and there's been minimal improvement. At first, she believed the words in that small, brown notebook that somebody had left behind - but after time, it seemed like just a bizarre story. Animals could not turn into boys. Wizards didn't exist. Nobody had come to find her. But there's always hope, even for the hopeless.


_**A/N:** Before I start, I figure I should post a disclaimer:_

 _I'm not much of a writer. But, I've been stuck at home without my tablet for some time, and after playing Dandelion to cure the boredom, I decided that I wanted closure. The sad lady needs to be with her stupid fucking tsundere again or else I will stop breathing forever.  
_ _I don't know how much of this I'll write, and I make no guarantees for quality._

 _So here I am. And here you are. There will be mistakes. There will be errors. I don't have a beta, and I've tried my best to refine this on my own._

 _Also some of this will be pretty awkwardly worded. As I stated before, I'm not really much of a writer, I'm mostly an artist. Feel free to let me know if there's any glaring mistakes - I'll do my best to correct them. But for now this is just a way for me to defeat the boredom._

 _So, enjoy I guess._

* * *

It was difficult to say what had changed the most about my life since I had lost my memory.

Everything was so unfamiliar – even if it's been almost two years since whatever incident caused my sudden onset of amnesia, I have yet to get back into the flow of things. The empty spaces are slowly being filled, but it seems to be hopeless – the doctor said that progress is progress, but that doesn't make me feel much better. Hee-jae was a massive help to me, and we still keep in contact.  
We even dated very briefly – I thought that after all the effort that he put in during my recovery, I at least owed him the chance.

But as much as I tried, and he tried, nothing really came of it. I simply didn't feel that way about him. He knew that too. We decided it was better if we left things as there were before – or rather, as he remembers them being before. We went on exactly one date, and broke it off before the second even started.  
A number of times I asked him about the book that I found in my apartment – the one that now sits in the bottom drawer of my bedside table. Somebody, before it all happened, cared for me deeply.

But Hee-jae knew nothing, and he wasn't the sort of person that would lie out of jealousy. He couldn't remember me having one pet, let alone five. Didn't remember anyone else living in my apartment other than me either. He'd only heard second hand about the argument that had happened between my mother and myself, and had no idea about the apparently third party involved.  
So what was I supposed to believe? That there are animals that can change into people, or that this was fiction?

As I reflected back, there was a small nudging against my hand. I turned my palm upwards, fingers grazing lightly across soft fur. A twitching nose sniffed my palm before nuzzling it affectionately.  
Honestly, I hadn't considered getting a pet before I saw this one. Hee-jae had suggested that perhaps having company would make me feel better – a pet might lighten my mood. I'd heard that animals seemed to have positive effects psychologically, but that was in regards to anxiety and PTSD.  
Really, it was probably all my questions about having animals that put him onto the idea. If missing animals was my problem, the there was a pretty clear solution.

The owner of the store had suggested a bird or some fish, seeing as I lived in an apartment complex, but that didn't suit me. Fish weren't really pets that required a lot of attention, and I was never overly fond of birds.  
Taking my lack of interest into account, the owner instead took me to the back of the store.  
I hadn't even considered a rabbit. At first, all I could think of was the downsides – there would be messes all over the floor, cables chewed on and just general destruction and chaos. That, and the things I'd read in that book – the rabbit turning into a boy. It made me feel uncomfortable to think about.

He was an uncommon breed, apparently – a Dwarf Lop, distinctive with light brown fur and darker brown spots. The small creature was placed in my arms without much warning. He struggled, but instinctively I held on tight. Honestly, I wasn't expecting to walk out of there with the rabbit, but Hee-jae insisted. He'd argued that the image of me with a rabbit seemed…right. Like the idea of me with a pet like this seemed natural. To further prove his point, he bought it for me. It wasn't cheap, and I really didn't like the idea of him buying something so expensive for me.

But he insisted – he was worried about me. Me not being on my own would make him worry less. Since it all happened so quickly, I couldn't think of a decent name. So I just called him Ji-hwan.  
He was surprisingly well-behaved – there had been a few messes to begin with, but after a eight months or so, Ji-hwan was quite well trained.

Despite all of my apprehension, I had grown fond of the animal. Even if it was just the two of us, things seemed a bit better. But there was a lonely feeling – something like nostalgia, where it was slightly underwhelming to only have one animal to look after. I wondered if perhaps I really did have more pets before I lost my memory – but again, nobody could confirm it for sure.  
What kind of life did I lead? It made me sad to think that after so many years at university, I only had one friend. Nobody else seemed to remember much about my life – my parents had yet to contact me. The closest I'd gotten was when my old landlord had informed me that my lease had been broken – My mother had been paying for my accommodation and now she wasn't.

Perhaps I really had done something scandalous – enough to warrant being disowned. Oddly enough, I didn't feel that bad about it. I suppose I had dealt with it before, after it happened. I was sad, yes, but I didn't blame myself – it was my mother who I was disappointed with.  
But there was still the matter of the person from my book claiming to be there when it happened – that they were so proud of me for standing up to her and finally letting go.

Those bits…the intimate details of my life, so carefully described…those are where I faltered. The author knew me. Even if some of it was fiction, they knew the most about my old life.  
I tried so hard, looking for them – for a long time, it was an obsession. But it was so futile – no last name, and an exceptionally common given name was a nightmare when it came to tracking anyone down on the internet or any other methods.

No address. No last name. No way of contact.

But I had doubts that the things that he wrote were even real? It was too bizarre to be real – animals that changed into men, those men having rabbit and cat ears, and a game with a wizard. Memories and wishes and-

My head throbbed. I'd stayed up far too late thinking about this nonsense. When I first read those words, I was in a trance. I wanted to see him. I wanted to find this person, right away, knowing that they would be waiting for me.

He promised he would come and find me, and yet… here I am. Alone, aside for the small rabbit tucked under my arm. I sank further into my pillow, resisting the temptation to pull out that notebook and read it once again.  
It was a good story, even if I had lost faith in it being anything but that.  
With a long sigh, I finally turned off the light, and rolled over. Ji-hwan snuggled into my warmth, and I relaxed into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

With a contented sigh, I stretched out on the grass. The banket below me shifted as I moved, rolling over so I could look up at the sky. It was a nice day today – perfectly weather to be in the park doing nothing. Well, to say I was doing nothing was probably an understatement. Even if I should have been taking a break, I had opted to practice my sketching. Carefully, I laid out the scene in front of me on paper – the blue sky, vivid green grass and lone figure reclining against a tree not too far away.

I supposed that my inability to relax had come from my previous life, seeing as I always felt so guilty doing absolutely nothing. Like I owed it to the world to be constantly occupied. I imagined that must have made me a good student, but the fact that my grades weren't the best suggested that perhaps it was a forced habit.

Seeking the familiar comfort of my companion while I thought about such things, it came to my attention that my spotted friend had fled the scene. I wasn't too worried – Ji-hwan was inclined to wander off in search of that perfect patch of grass to eat. However, as my eyes scanned the area, I sprung off of my stomach and onto my knees.  
Ji-hwan had left my side in search of food, yes, but not grass. Rather, the brown leather strap of the snoozing figure's bag; the one I had been sketching earlier. He hadn't noticed the rabbit yet, so I assumed he was sleeping. Deciding it was better to not wake him, I moved quickly and quietly across the grass, getting on my hands and knees as I came closer.

I hadn't been able to see much of the man from so far away, but now I was up close, I took in his appearance.  
Considering how he was dressed, I figured he must have been at least close to the same age as me. It was a casual, but fashionable outfit, very similar to what I had seen in recent magazines.  
In an attempt to block out the light, he had slid his hat down his head, covering his face. Several spiky locks of styled blonde hair poked out from either side of the brim – was it dyed, or natural?  
Deciding it wasn't important at the moment, I began holding my hand out, in hope that Ji-hwan would come to me of his own volition.

In a strange act of disobedience the bunny ignored me completely and instead decided to run around the man's legs, moving to the other side of his body. With a deep breath, I tried to remain silent. I figured that if I was quick and quiet, I could retrieve my pet before he bothered the poor man further.  
But apparently thinking about it was about all I could manage – Ji-hwan was not content just hanging around. With a slight struggle, he pulled himself up onto the man's lap and began sniffing around his legs curiously.

There was a grunt, arms moved from his side as one hand shifted to pull down the hat, while the other went to investigate the intruder.

"I-I'm very sorry, my rabbit, he ran away and…"

My voice seemed to die as the blonde's eyes locked on mine. Though they were a lovely shade of emerald, it wasn't that which stopped me. Rather, it was the look of shock in his eyes. It was there for a moment, before fading and being replaced with a scowl.

"You can't control your animal? What are you, stupid?" I was quite honestly stumped. My mouth hung open.

"How am I stupid? It's an animal, it will do what it pleases."

"Oh really? Then maybe you shouldn't have it in public. It could hurt people."

My eyebrow lifted at the idea. "It's a rabbit – how is a bunny going to hurt anyone?" He crossed his arms and shut his eyes, nose turned up in the air arrogantly.

"He could…bite someone's fingers off." I blinked, looking at Ji-hwan. The furry menace was still trying to decipher the man's scent, ears shifting back and forth with scrutiny.

"Oh yes. No doubt he's planning on devouring you right now. Shouldn't you be more worried though, instead of petting him?" I used my eyes to gesture at the fact that his hand was resting lightly against the rodent's back, stroking him gently. He pulled his hand away quickly, glaring at the offending appendage while I watched.

"I-I wanted to make sure he didn't run away and bother anyone else! I feel bad for the poor creature, having such a stupid owner."

"Stupid…owner?"

It sounded familiar, like something I'd heard out of a television show a long time ago. I could feel it there, somewhere, and my smile disappeared as I put all my mental efforts into trying to figure out where I had heard that phrase before.  
But was it just that? It seemed more like a nickname. Directed at me, and only me.

The sunlight that I had been enjoying up until that point became far too intense. I closed my eyes firmly, and my hand rose to massage the top of my head.  
It was too much – like chasing a dream; whatever grasp I thought I had was gone and had left me with nothing but a headache. My shoulders slumped – I felt so tired. Or was it disappointment? I'd started to remember, but…

"Are you okay?" The arrogant demeanor had faded, and was instead seemed to be replaced with concern.

"I'm fine."

Even if he had been so rude before, I felt bad brushing off his question like that. I wasn't about to make a habit telling strangers that I was mentally ill. Feeling unwell, I decided it was time to go. I reached over and grabbed Ji-hwan, then stood up. The blood rushed to my head, and I began to sway. A firm hand on my shoulder steadied me until I found enough of a balance to move on my own.

Green eyes looked down at me with an uncomfortable familiarity.

"Are you sure-"

"I'm sorry we disturbed you." My words didn't express any actual apologetic feelings, but rather acted as a dismissal.

I strode over to where I had left Ji-hwan's basket and my blanket, packing them up in a hurry before striding out of the park. I had almost expected that he would follow me, but couldn't say I was disappointed when I got to the edge of the park and he was nowhere in sight.

The whole bus ride home I couldn't think of anything but how rude the man was. It seemed so bizarre for someone to have such a high opinion of himself – enough to imply that a complete stranger was below him.

 _'I suppose…he probably has a reason to think that.'_

Cooling down, I could admit with some shame that it wasn't like he was unattractive – he was certainly unique looking, with that blonde hair and those glimmering emerald eyes. He dressed nicely too – for him to not only be keeping up with fashion, but to be able to afford to dress in such a way, he would have to have something going for him at least money-wise.

I snorted – maybe he figured himself to be some kind of idol. Fame was a good enough reason for people to think themselves important. I tilted my head back, closing my eyes.

A second later, they shot back open. I began to rifle through the basket on my lap feverishly, accidentally disturbing a sleeping Ji-hwan in the process.  
"M-My sketchbook!" My voice sounded so desperate and I tried to dig deeper, but found nothing but hard wicker at the bottom.  
"Oh no…"  
Rubbing my face with my hands, I remembered exactly where I left it.

On the ground, in the park, a short distance away from a certain obnoxious blonde.

Would he have picked it up? I wasn't sure if I wanted him to or not. My sketchbook, aside from being something private, was quite important. I had some stuff I needed for work in there, as well some personal pieces that I was attached to. It was too late to go back now – he'd called me stupid, and I wasn't about to return and prove his point.  
As I arrived at my stop, I stumbled off of the bus and headed towards the lobby of my apartment building.

My new home wasn't as nice as my old one – it was very simple, if not a bit empty. I took a moment to arrange my basket so that Ji-hwan was hidden beneath the picnic blanket. My landlord was strict, and didn't really allow pets. But I didn't want to let the bunny go. So attempting to look as unsuspicious as possible, I strode across the lobby, and over to the elevator. I held the basket close to me as another tenant entered, the door gliding shut soon after.

Just like my old home, I hadn't bothered to make friends with any of the other people living in my building.

It didn't seem so worthwhile while I was like this.

I don't know enough about myself to try and connect with anyone – how are you supposed to contribute to conversations without knowing what your own opinions are? How I think, how I feel – with nothing to base it all on, I would only seem boring. I would be vapid. Forgettable.

The man from the park was the first stranger I had spoken to for a long time, and he thought I was an idiot.

Sighing, I leaned against the elevator wall, resting while I waited for my floor.

* * *

 _'Despite how much of a mess I am, at least this place is clean.'_

At some point I recalled hearing that having an organized environment was supposed to make you more organized. But even if my home was spotless, I still felt like such a mess.

The couch was so welcoming underneath me as I slumped on it, dropping the basket beside me. Ji-hwan navigated his way out of it a moment later, his head popping out of a pile of blankets with a look of contention. Mumbling a quick apology, I pulled him out from underneath the offending cloth, and set him down on my lap. He blinked up at me, then jumped off of my legs, deciding that he would prefer to dig through the couch cushions than keep me company.

Dejected, I look around the room. It was boring, yes, but practical. The kitchen and lounge area was one large square, with my bedroom and bathroom on one side. All of my furniture had come with the apartment, leaving me without much when I moved in. Eventually I'd manage to accumulate enough to make this place liveable.

There was even some paintings on the walls – some of mine that I had completed in my time off.  
My pride and joy sat on the wall opposite to me, above the television.  
It sort of came to me one day – a boy and a girl embracing at the beach, the sun setting against the water behind them.

Everything seemed to come together so nicely while I was working on it – in fact, it was one of the rare pieces that I had made and didn't hate afterwards. Hee-jae said that it had looked romantic, but I had to disagree. The impression it gave me when it finished was far more bittersweet – something like a painful goodbye. It was complicated anyway. Somehow, looking at this painting…reminded me that I wasn't so alone. It gave me a small amount of hope, despite the somber feeling.

With a final sigh, I heaved myself off of the couch and headed towards the bathroom for a quick shower, then sent myself to bed.


End file.
